(Gulping Sound.)
What are you doing?
Swallow my pain.
What? Pain???
Yes. Pain. Big chunks of pain.
Is it edible?
I don't know.
I am trying to swallow it.
I am trying to swallow it.
Is it sweet?
Of course not! (Gulp.)
Is it juicy?
Drier than a desert! (Gulp.)
Is it meaty?
You wish! (Gulp.)
Is it sour?
More or less.
It could give you heartburn,
but for now, I don't feel it.
(Gulp.)
What on earth does it taste like?
It is bitter.
It isn't like the bitter taste
from bittersweet chocolate,
nor is it similar to the bitter taste
of bitter melons.
Then, what kind of bitter is it?
Indescribable.
Can you add some honey
while swallowing it?
Honey won't help!
Can you have brownie to go with it?
Well, that's possible.
You should have told me earlier.
How about coffee?
That's even better!
Why didn't you say that earlier? (Gulp.)
(Burp. Burp. Burp.)
Are you okay?
You swallow too much at a time.
They come in big chunks!
Oh...Oh...Oh...
I think I have indigestion!
I think I have indigestion!
You should use a mixer
and add some vanilla flavor
to make it taste better.
I don't like vanilla.
Well, how about mint?
Mint is good for digestion!
Yeah, that's a good idea.
I am going to make myself
a cup of mint tea.
Make it two, please!
I love the way you wrote the poem like a conversation between two people. The only suggestion would be to add to the description of the pain. I liked how you started digging in, comparing it to bitter chocolate, and that descriptive writing almost created the taste in my mouth. I would keep going with that.
ReplyDeleteI also like how you wrote your poem. It made it interesting to read! At times though I felt it dragged out a little bit and you could have dug a bit deeper into the pain. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYing, I love how creative your post is - not only that it was a conversation, but also how it was visually arranged and the colors you used!!! What inspired you to write such a creative, deep, and humorous piece?! I agree with Allison that it would be good to dig deeper into the pain!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read this, I thought this format might also make a really good picture book! I don't know if you thought about using this as a picture book or even a different topic, but similar format. It could make a really intriguing book!
ReplyDelete